By Melanie Slone
Fourteen years ago, Gloria Cervantes’ day started like any other; she called her son for breakfast. But there was no response. When she went into his room, she found him unconscious, surrounded by boxes of pills. “I’m just screaming at that point,” she says. “I think part of my brain just blanked out.”
Her teenage son had attempted suicide.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide is the second leading cause of death among 10–14-year-olds and the third leading cause of death among 15–24-year-olds.
Cervantes’ son eventually recovered, but he is in therapy to this day, as is she. For Cervantes, who now is Program Coordinator and Analyst for One Safe Place, the feelings of guilt abound. “How could it happen right under my nose?” she asks herself. “I was working in social services, so I work with people every day. I should know this. I could read people. And I couldn’t read my own son.”
Picking up the Pieces
After the suicide attempt, Cervantes says she and her family began the difficult process of putting their lives back together. “It was like somebody had just shaken it up so badly that nothing fit back in,” she says.
Her son became a peer counselor for high school while she began to change her life. “It’s been a long journey,” she says.
Cervantes was determined to carve out time to listen to her two sons and build trust. “Just listen to my kids…learning how to play video games…because that’s when he would talk.” She realized everyone has stress, and we never know when it may become too much. It’s important to validate the feelings of others and not dismiss them as trivial, she has learned. “Just listening, even if you can’t fix it,” she says.
She sought out counseling and worked on her relationships with others. “All these things that in my Hispanic culture I grew up thinking,” she says, for example, that we always have to say yes to our family even when we feel emotionally overwhelmed.
She began to speak her truth and not keep secrets. “Sometimes, our families don’t want to hear it…So, today, I’m the person in the family that says, it’s real. These things are real. We have to talk about them.”
Cervantes has joined several support groups and reevaluated her connection with her faith, eventually joining a mental health assistance group with the Catholic Church.
Her advice for other families is to listen to each other and give family members a safe space to express themselves. “Deeper, more important information is only going to come out if there’s a safe place for them, if we give them the time,” she says.
She encourages others to seek professional help. “Sometimes we all need somebody else to just listen, to be that safe place where I can say what I’m feeling and kind of process those feelings with someone,” she says.
The process is ongoing, so people shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help whenever they need it. “Here I am, 14 years later,” says Cervantes, “and it’s very emotional still. It leaves a very real mark on you.”
Possible Warning Signs / Posibles señales de advertencia
- Comments like “I’m feeling anxious; I can’t sleep; I’m nervous; I’m just not myself anymore; I can’t eat; I used to enjoy certain things but not anymore.” / Comentarios como, “Me siento angustiado/a; siento que no soy el mismo/la misma; No puedo comer; Ya no disfruto de las cosas que disfrutaba antes”.
- Constant complaints about school, work, relationships. / Quejas abrumantes de la escuela, el trabajo, las relaciones.
- Excessive social withdrawal. / Autoexclusión social en exceso.
- Increased drug and alcohol abuse. / Incremento en el uso de drogas o alcohol.
- The person is cutting or self-harming to cope with stress. / Alguien se está cortando o está haciéndose daño para lidiar con el estrés.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month
Suicide Prevention Resources / Recursos para la prevención del suicidio
- Connect with your health care provider for a referral to a mental health services
- Contact your employer and ask about Employee Assistance Programs (EAP); usually provide free or low-cost mental health services
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
(English, español, and other languages)
Dial 988 or text 741741
San Diego Access and Crisis Line
(English, español, and other languages)
1-888-724-7240 (24 hrs a day, 7 days a week)
Mobile Crisis Response Team (MCRT) to bring licensed clinician to a mental health, alcohol, or drug crisis
It’s Up To Us–San Diego
888-724-7240
(English/español)
Escondido Family Counseling Center
619-515-2300
(English/español)
Oceanside Family Counseling Center
619-515-2300
(English/español)
North County Lifeline|Counseling Services, Vista, CA
760-842-6214
North County LGBTQ Resource Center, Oceanside
760-994-1690
Palomar Family Counseling
760-741-2660
NAMI San Diego
619-295-1055
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call 988
Support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.